Such a strange thing this anxiety is. Some days I can’t bear the thought of even stepping off my front porch. And other days I want to talk to everyone, everywhere, and I truly believe that everyone wants to hear what I have to say. Some days you are walking on the clouds, ready for anything. And in those days I almost feel like a normal person. But its always there, lurking in the background, like a venomous snake ready to strike. But not yet. Not until you are in the one place that there is no quick exit from. Like the middle of the grocery store with a cart full of groceries. That is when you feel like your heart is going to bust out of your chest, when the flop sweat starts pouring, where the only thing you can think of is how can I get out of here the quickest way, without making a complete fool out of myself. There isn’t an easy out, and when you have people that depend on you, you have no choice but to keep going. To get that gallon of milk. And to get out of the store with the most ease you can muster. I haven’t been to a shopping mall in 20 years. There I said it. 20 years. I can’t handle it. There is no easy out in there. NONE! Ah life is funny.
Please don’t take this as complaint, I love my life and everyone in it. They aren’t the problem, its me, inside me. And sometimes there is no problem………………….